First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
