im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
