I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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