i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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