Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
