theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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