I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
