we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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