Non-Jews are for practice
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
