He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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