I skipped work to stalk him.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
