Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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