Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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