You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
