It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
