Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
