Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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