Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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