we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
