with your own penis?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
