TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
