I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize