This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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