I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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