Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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