Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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