I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
