Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
