If i come over, it means nothing
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
