It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
