i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
