cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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