You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
