a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
