Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
