Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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