still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
