dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
