tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
