My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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