did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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