If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
