He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
