Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??