I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.