I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
