New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
