you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
