and next time when you feel me up, do it right
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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