I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
