I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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