Soap is not a condiment
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need a beard to bite.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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