I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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