Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
