yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
