I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
