It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
