I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
