Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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