Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
