This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
