Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
