I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
