the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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