STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
