It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
