while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
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You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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