no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
