Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
