so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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